i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My bed smells like the plague
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
