It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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