This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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