The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
