We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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