Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
