My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
