No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
