Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
