we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
