What a fucking waste of an outfit
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
