They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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