party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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