um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You ruined the universe
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
