this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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