it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
