There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
