U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
