Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Randomize
