Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
