just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
