She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
