at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
