I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
