It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
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