I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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