I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
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Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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