my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
