We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
