just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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