Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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