ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I wish you could order shots online.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?