you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top