Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..