Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."