I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.