Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts