I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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