Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
