You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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