It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
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after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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