On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
