So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
