i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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