We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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