Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
