Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize