I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We need a shit load of segways right now
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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