He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I want to fling myself into the sun
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
