i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It's rum buckets o'clock
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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