clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
