Apparently you make a good broom.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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