I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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