eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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