Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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