it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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