So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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