I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
