Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i used baking grease as lip gloss
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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