I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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