So gin and wine won't be happening again
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
