we have officially lost it.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
