Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
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Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
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yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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