i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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