Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
