It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
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Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
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Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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