I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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